George Washington Zombie Slayer by Wiles David

Author:Wiles, David [Wiles, David]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Published: 2014-09-10T07:00:00+00:00

Chapter 32

Cornwallis Initiates A Good Whipping

“Smithers!” bellowed British General Cornwallis, calling his subordinate into his newly rebuilt office at his secret zombie development center in Virginia. “Come forth immediately and bring pen and parchment, Lieutenant!”

Following the burning of his previous home and office, Cornwallis set the British troops under his command to work building for himself a new office and domicile, twice as big as the previous one. It was an ostentatious, two story affair, much resembling a small stone castle, with carved wood accents and even stone gargoyles adorning the façade. A stone exterior was less likely to burn, nearby colonists comically mused. A grand, interior staircase greeted entrants to the new structure.

Cornwallis had sat at the ornate, hand-carved oak desk in his new office for many weeks and fumed over the Boston Tea Party as he contemplated the inevitable and required retaliation. “The colonists are like bad dogs in need of a good whipping,” he often told his subordinate Smithers. The whipping was about to begin.

Smithers rushed into the office with ink and parchment in hand and sat down at the small writing table across from Cornwallis’ own desk. He could see that Cornwallis was already red-faced and angry. Smithers brought an extra large quill after hearing the angry tone of the general’s bellow. He knew that the arrogant and pretentious Cornwallis, like all Englishmen, always resorted to the use of large words when angered. Thus, Smithers anticipated the excessive use of much ink.

“Take this down,” Cornwallis began as Smithers quickly dipped his quill into the ink bottle. “Insofar as the American Colonists have acted with unchivalrous vulgarity in disrespect of the King’s property,” Cornwallis began, “they have become the abominable progenitors of conduct requiring a harsh reprimand by his Majesty’s military forces.”

“A… harsh …reprimand,” Smithers said as he scribbled the words upon the page.

“Therefore, “Cornwallis continued, “The General Commanding of His Majesty’s Military Forces in Colonial America authorizes that the following homeland security crackdown against American Spies and Saboteurs be initiated, hereafter to be known as Operation A.S.S. CRACK-down.”

“ASS- Crackdown,” Smithers said aloud as he scribbled the words across the parchment.

“British troops are hereby ordered to occupy the cities of New York and Boston, effective immediately,” Cornwallis said to a shocked Smithers. “British troops may lodge and quarter themselves in any appropriate building suitable for military lodging. In the absence of suitable public facilities, troops may occupy and garrison ANY private building, dwelling, home or facility available for the housing of the King’s troops. “

Smithers now scribbled in silence, somewhat shocked at the contents of the orders he was transcribing.

“All persons, houses, barns and public buildings shall be subject to search without the requirement of a judicial writ,” Cornwallis continued. “Additionally,” he added, “all methods of conveyance such as horses, wagons, carriages and boats shall also thus be subject to unannounced inspection at any time.”

“Unannounced inspection at any time,” Smithers said aloud as he wrote the last sentence.

“And these, these are copies of marching orders for individual field commanders,” Cornwallis said, handing Smithers seven sealed envelopes.

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